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[24 Sep 2009|10:11pm] |
Today and yesterday was of the crazy. On Wednesday, Jimmy and I went to New York City to watch Yeah Yeah Yeahs at Radio City Music Hall. It was very good, and it was awesome having seen it with the boy. Karen O is definitely an . . . eccentric entertainer. I got home around midnight and then had to sleepily pound out an article about it for the school newspaper's Arts & Entertainment column. Although I love writing these articles, their editors are so fucking holier-than-thou sometimes and absolutely shred up my work. I'm debating on whether or not I want to continue doing this, but Leslie said that at least I know I'm not fucking anything up even though my article may look like a mess after it's gone through unnecessary editing. What pisses me off is that not a lot of people who write for the paper are very strong in journalism, so while there are guidelines, they are very loose and not everyone follows them properly. I went to bed at two and hoped to sleep until eight because I needed some much needed rest, but I ended up waking around seven. I was very frustrated and felt tired throughout the whole day. Studying for the quiz I had in prose fiction totally slipped my mind because this morning proved to be frustrating all around and I don't think I did very well on it.
I decided to skip my history class and I ended up going to Jimmy's room with his roommate and friend. I was supposed to be watching Robert De Niro's Taxi Driver but I kept nodding off. Eventually Jimmy had to go to class and I watched the rest of the movie with Kevin before falling asleep again. I left around five to hang out with Julia in her apartment and drink her boxed wine (well, it wasn't boxed anymore but it's in this awesome IV bag-looking thing). God, it was the tastiest thing I've ever had. I ended up going to Argus Eyes' rehearsal really tipsy and mind you I am not a part of the Theatre Society . . . And somehow got dragged into doing an improv. Goodness gracious.
I was feeling kinda cranky after the alcohol left my system so I just hung out with Leslie and then went home. Where I am now. And did I mention that I'm exhausted? I'm exhausted.
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[22 Sep 2009|02:43pm] |
(re: Jimmy going to the gym)
Me: "How're your knees? Maybe you should wrap them."
Him: "Nah. I'm a man."
Me: "Yes, babe."
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[20 Sep 2009|09:03pm] |
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Started bc today (9/21/09) at 21:02. Reminding myself to take it at exact time daily.
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[18 Sep 2009|10:14pm] |
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Is saying nothing at all better than saying the wrong things? I guess that's why I suck at communicating so much. Because I'm afraid of saying the wrong things.
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[15 Sep 2009|07:53am] |
Blah. I'm really worried for my friend. She's been going to the bar almost every night (except the nights that I yell at her and make her hang out with me; that's only happened once because that's the only free time I've had with the car) and coming to school drunk as hell and falling asleep in classes. She leaves Facebook statuses and away messages remarking on how drunk -- and this morning, high -- she is so that leads me to believe that she wants someone to notice that she's spiraling whether she's consciously aware of it or not. I remember that's what I did to certain people when I turned to drugs.
I told Jimmy that I was worried about her two nights ago. I just needed someone to confide in. And of course he intellectualizes like he always does. "You can lead a horse to water..." he says.
I'm so frustrated. This hurts so much.
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[12 Sep 2009|09:00am] |
Jimmy met some of my family yesterday! Jeanelle had an art show in Union City and we arrived like two hours late heh. Jim's the sound guy for the three day long performing arts showcase event at school so he had to stick around for the entire thing. There was champagne and sangria but I couldn't drink any of them because I was driving, but they did have cold finger food that I nommed. There was this fried cylindrical-shaped thing that had ham wrapped around a glob of mozzarella that was really good despite it being cold. I think Jim enjoyed criticizing looking at the art.
After that, I followed Cristina and Chris because the cousins wanted to go to Pete & Elda's, a bar in Neptune City that serves pizza and gives a free t-shirt to whoever can finish an 18-inch pie by themselves. Jimmy, Chris, and Cristina did it but Jimmy ended up throwing in the towel because he ate so much yesterday and he felt like throwing up. ._. It was still fun, though! I think he and the family got along pretty good, hehe.
We were telling them about how we quit smoking and Chris was like, "For the baby, right?" And I was flipping out because I don't even want to think about babies. XD And he went on to say, "You should stop drinking, too, you know. For the baby." I wanted to strangle him.
Ahhhh, I miss alone time with Jim! He's so gosh darn busy this semester...
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[10 Sep 2009|04:57pm] |
Oh, awesome. Apparently I just gave Dr. Surrey the heads up that the database needs to be updated. Glad he's getting on it. XD His reaction? "You're really on top of things -- cool."
He says cool a lot. And he has Elvis Presley and Patsy Cline posters hanging on his office wall. And he has piles of papers that I had to practically lunge over all around his office (okay, not so awesome, but a little amusing). I'm so glad I have an awesome advisor. :D
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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
...my school drives me up the wall.
I switched majors from Psychology to Urban Studies and Dr. Surrey gave me a paper that says I need twelve credit hours of electives to graduate. Then I logged onto the school profile system and looked at the program evaluation scan to see if everything matched up.
And like I anticipated... THEY DID NOT.
The scan said I need fifteen credit hours. The scan also says that I need a statistics course for my Sociology minor when Dr. Surrey told me that the credits I earned in the statistics class I took for psych can be used instead. The scan also has a Sociology class that I can't find in the course catalog. IT DOESN'T FRIGGING EXIST. I STARED AT THE PAGE LONG ENOUGH TO KNOW. IT DIDN'T POP UP DURING THE DURATION OF MY STAREFEST.
What pisses me off even more is that I already planned out my entire schedule up until 2012. If I really need fifteen credits and need to take that other statistics class, I am going to have to modify it all over again. How fun.
Other than that, I got news today that made me smile really big! Kat talked to me and she said that Jimmy talked to her last week. And he was telling her how worried he was for my crappy immune system and that's why he quit smoking so I wouldn't feel icky about quitting smoking. Wow! I didn't know that was the reason he quit!
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[08 Sep 2009|05:17pm] |
To make up for the inadequacy I feel in the being organized department, I spent a couple hours planning out my entire school schedule until I graduate in 2012.
Nice to have goals.
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I'm so disorganized. Think my brain's being flooded by a panic attack, too, so that isn't helping at all either. Blah.
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[02 Sep 2009|06:50am] |
Blah. This week is starting out terribly. I got two parking tickets -- both near school -- and last night my car got booted. Jimmy insisted that he pay for all of them, which of course made us argue, which of course allowed him to use his trademark, "Do you think I give a shit about money?" $42 for both parking tickets, $110 for getting the boot removed . . . My boyfriend is too nice to me. It makes me feel like a spoiled brat.
"What are you worried about?" he asks me.
"You spend a lot of money on me."
"Like what?"
"You pay for gas, you pay for food, and now you're paying for all of these things . . . "
"You drive me around everywhere, and we eat together so I might as well pay for it, and when have I ever made a big deal about money?"
I was driving and it was quiet for a while and I saw him look at me through my peripheral vision and he said to me, "Don't worry about money between us, okay? That's what messes up a lot of relationships."
I still have to do homework that I was too tired to do last night. I'm not sure why I'm up so early.
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[30 Aug 2009|08:51pm] |
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It has been nearly five hours since my last cigarette. An unlit one is perched between my lips because it's making me feel a little better. It feels kinda silly, but it's working. XD
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[28 Aug 2009|02:10pm] |
Goodness. Trying to quit smoking again, primarily because I don't want to create any complications with the bc. I started with ten a day this week and next week I'll be going down to eight. I'm not sure if it's working because I'm still going crazy. Think I could smoke a pack a day if I really wanted to. I only smoked eight yesterday and decided that it'd be better if I didn't carry over any extras onto the next day. It's a little difficult because Jimmy bought me five packs from South Carolina so I always have extra cigarettes at home. I'm down to three full packs, I think. I really don't want to be smoking when I start taking my dosage so I'm planning on going cold turkey as soon as my period hits this month, which should be the second week of September . . . If anything, I could always stick with the gum if I'm still going crazy.
It's really too bad that I enjoy it so God damn much.
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[26 Aug 2009|09:49pm] |
Meh. Anxiety is high today. Wish I had an outlet aside from writing. My first day of class was today. My teachers this semester are alright, though a bit on the boring side. I'm going to promise myself to try to work harder this semester. Last semester was just a disaster, I think.
At the end of my day, I bought my textbooks. They didn't have my history textbook in stock so I'm going to have to check in once in a while to see if it's in. Then I got the RAV4 and waited for Jimmy in the cafeteria. He's moving his stuff out of the condo because his mom is renting it out to tenants sometime this fall. He was in a bad mood most of this afternoon and I was slowly getting into one because well, it was contagious and I was getting hungry. Today's his birthday and he sort of planned on having dinner at a diner by school, but nobody was responding to his calls/texts so that didn't happen. I dropped him off at the dorms and I sort of gave him an attitude because I was so cranky. I feel bad because he's stressed out enough as it is. We tried to give Jackson a call to see if he wanted to have dinner with us, but I guess things fell through and I was feeling tired and I still had to find parking. He was feeling pretty bad about it and gave me $20 for gas and food if there wasn't any at home, but I just ended up going home and eating leftover pizza. I spent the rest of the time doing homework and taking notes.
And now my anxiety won't go away. Which sucks because I am really exhausted. Jimmy is busy tomorrow with a bunch of meetings because he is a part of the student senate so I probably won't get to hang out with him until the weekend. I'm guessing that's how it'll be this semester... It's alright, though... I have a lot of work to finish off and preoccupy myself with from now on.
Gonna take a shower and do boring things to lull my mind and body into relaxing. I hope it works.
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| Synchronized bicycling |
[19 Aug 2009|07:46pm] |
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[19 Aug 2009|12:35am] |
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I'm so happy I could cry.
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[10 Aug 2009|11:51am] |
I repotted Angie! She's a year and almost six months now. :)
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Huh. I guess I landed myself a temp spot in the school newspaper.
My first deadline is the week of the 26th! Ahh! I gotta write about something within the arts/entertainment column, revolving around events that occurred this summer.
ETA-
I am excited! I just got my article topic accepted. I'm going to write about the Summer Music Festival that has been being held in Brooklyn all summer, the focal point being on Hall & Oates' 35th anniversary concert that I went to this weekend. Pat Benatar and Blondie are going to play on Thursday and I'm gonna go so I can write about that one, too.
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[05 Aug 2009|04:22pm] |
No fucking wonder I have been feeling so weird. Lately, I have been having ear pressure irregularities; I'd get dizzy or feel my ears pop if I sat up or moved too fast. I'm constantly dizzy and feel like I'm dreaming 24/7. My brain just feels like it's been stuffed with cotton and it's clogging up my ears.
The reason for this is because I stopped my Lexapro dose a couple of days ago. Not intentionally, of course, but I ran out and my insurance is being a dick and saying that I'm not qualified anymore for getting refills at the pharmacy. I have to do it via mail order instead and pay like $20 every time I have to refill. I'm not sure when that changed.
It feels weird, yes, but I think that if I constantly remind myself that I'm okay, I could possibly even do without it. It's like my brain is being rewired, basically. And if I keep reminding myself that I'm okay, it's like I'm reconditioning it to act or react a certain way. It's annoying as hell, these withdrawal symptoms, but they aren't killing me. I've been functioning fine, despite the foggy feeling.
Just gotta pull through . . .
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| Robert De Niro on Sesame Street |
[21 Jul 2009|04:47pm] |
Is anyone as frightened as I am?
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[20 Jul 2009|10:16pm] |
I just meditated for twenty minutes after thinking too much. I figured I'd do something more productive with my brain. I can't just sit there and focus on my breathing because my attention span is too short for that, so I imagined walking and driving places where I used to live, work, and been. It was the most fun I've had since I've tried drugs, lmao. Then I imagined myself driving home and finding parking and unlocking my door and going up the steps and returning to my body. When I opened my eyes, I felt so refreshed and rejuvenated.
Today was pretty amusing. My dad played chauffeur and drove me around, trying to find an AT&T store that would have cheap cell phones. My expensive one unexpectedly died about two months ago, and I've been using my dad's old Nokia but sometimes it likes to misbehave and not receive or make any calls. I ended up getting the Nokia 2600 for free at Newport Mall because my dad had an upgrade available and he'll just use mine once September comes around. It was pretty funny because the saleslady was prodding me the whole time, demanding to know why I would want to "downgrade" from a Palm Centro to a measly Nokia model. I insisted that that was what I wanted, and then she just shrugged and got it for me from the back. What's wrong with wanting something simple nowadays? Apparently simple cell phones are so passe. I just want it to work, not home in on television channels or play mp3s or calculate my menstrual cycle. Sheesh.
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