Jimmy got really drunk last night and then kept sending me text messages that he'd never cheat on me. It was kind of cute in an . . . annoying way (but just because nothing was spelled right and I had to decipher everything). I was kind of worried because everyone was taking their shirts off . . . Oh, college kids. He seemed to need to tell me everything that was going on and telling me that he's not participating in them "cause yore mine. Ypure mine Etcia."

. . . Oh Jimmy.