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[26 Jan 2010|09:53pm] |
It's bothering me that I'm worrying about selfish things like school.
.
It is a huge possibility that my mother is getting laid off from work in six to eight weeks.
Saint Vincent's Hospital in New York is filing for bankruptcy for its second time in two years. They are $10 mil a month in debt from medical malpractice alone. They used to house thousands of beds... And now they're down to 250.
The government is wary about helping them because to their standards, the hospital hasn't been doing too good, competition-wise. Albany is already approaching their eighth cut in hospital funding.
I can't even imagine how hard it is to find a job right now.
And there goes health insurance.
It never fully hit me how so many things can be connected until now.
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[23 Jan 2010|08:23pm] |
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Why does preparing for a presentation give me a panic attack? :(
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[21 Jan 2010|02:52pm] |
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Preparing for co-op interviews! I talked to my adviser today about working for an adoption agency. I'll either be working in New York or someplace in Jersey City. Kinda nervous...
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[18 Jan 2010|02:57pm] |
So many things to do. :(
-Drop off textbooks at the post office.
-Possibly drive Jimmy back to school.
-Check on my school textbook status and see when I can pick them up.
-Pick up books.
-Possibly bring the car to school so I don't have to lug them around; check with Mike how long the parking meter runs on Montgomery and somehow acquire how many quarters.
-Physical therapy Friday afternoon; find out what times I'm free because I have to attend tri-weekly.
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[16 Jan 2010|09:46pm] |
Worked five exhausting days in a row (I had to file lots and lots of papers that smelled like diesel because they spent most of their time on tugboats), paid some of my credit card balance, put some school books on Amazon Marketplace, ordered a new plant (called a mimosa pudica, also known as a TickleMe Plant whose leaves close upon contact; it can be found in tropical areas and has also come to be found in Texas and other mild weathered states), ordered my school books...
What an expensive month.
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[09 Jan 2010|02:00pm] |
Got my mom an Eee PC for her birthday. =) I wanted to get her one with Linux because ever since getting a Macbook, I've been uber anti-Windows heh but unfortunately they didn't have them in stock. It's alright, though, because my mom is more used to Windows, anyway.
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The days in the life of Erica have been and still are very busy... My mom had same day surgery on Thursday because she started her period and it was excessively heavy. She ended up going to the ER because she was feeling light-headed from the loss of blood. She had a D&C, which is a procedure in which they dilate the cervix in order to get to the uterus and scrape and drain out the excess blood. My mom was worried that they'd give her a transfusion because she lost so much, but that wasn't the case. I went to the hospital around four and waited for her to arrive in the recovery room. Every staff member I came across was very ready and happy to help me, as I was both distressed and confused by the layout of the hospital. She hadn't eaten at all before the surgery otherwise she would've had to wait longer, so they fed her about a half hour after and then she was released. I took her home and then I went to Bayonne to bowl with Jimmy and my cousin Adam and his girlfriend and a couple of their friends. I've been so worried about my mom and my period is here, too, so that makes me emotional girl. Jimmy caught me crying in my sleep on Friday and he was very supportive. I came home today and got my mom some steak because she needs some iron. Maybe I'll make something with spinach, too.
I'll be staying in Bayonne Monday through Friday because I was employed by Jimmy's Aunt Cindi to file invoices and such for their transportation company. They own a couple and do mergings with tugboats and other tugboat companies. I'll be working ten to five everyday so that I can afford those God damn school textbooks... And hopefully if I have money left I can get my mom a Net Book as a belated birthday present. I might just order it with my credit card and then pay it off once I get paid.
Professor Gutsch has already scheduled a field trip for our Astro-Archaeology class and has requested the aid of his students for transportation since the campus vans are in use that day so I volunteered myself. I'm really excited about this class.
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[28 Dec 2009|12:03pm] |
Thankfully, the Pilgers did not eat me alive. However, they did make Jimmy a prank egg nog which only consisted of rancid buttermilk and me being naive, I took a sip. Even though my tummy felt funny for the rest of the evening, it was pretty hilarious watching them jokingly yelling at him for feeding it to his girlfriend. They also made him dress up in tight spandex pants and his uncle in a Christmas-themed teddy... Apparently this happens every year. It was morbidly funny.
I'm going to be really busy next year. I'm taking six classes and I'm planning on starting my co-op in the summer. I already emailed Dr. Surrey about what places I should consider but he's out of the country until January 3rd. My grades for the fall semester have been kind of less than satisfactory... At least to my standards, but I admit I got pretty lazy. I was doing a bunch of core classes and they don't really catch my attention much. But next semester I'm starting my major's courses and I'm also taking an Intro to Women's Studies course. Lots of reading for spring. Christ.
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[24 Dec 2009|11:31pm] |
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Meeting the Pilgers tomorrow. AHH. They're gonna eat me alive.
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| ee cummings |
[11 Dec 2009|12:12am] |
“supposing i dreamed this)
only imagine,when day has thrilled
you are a house around which
i am a wind-
your walls will not reckon how
strangely my life is curved
since the best he can do
is to peer through windows,unobserved
-listen,for(out of all
things)dream is noone’s fool;
if this wind who i am prowls
carefully around this house of you
love being such,or such,
the normal corners of your heart
will never guess how much
my wonderful jealousy is dark
if light should flower:
or laughing sparkle from
the shut house(around and around
which a poor wind will roam”
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[12 Nov 2009|08:33pm] |
Update on life 'cause I haven't blogged in a while.
School's school... I've been getting kinda lazy though because I hate my core classes. I've had a cough since Halloween and it sucks but it's been slowly getting better recently. My mom is sick and the doctors are treating it as swine flu. I don't think it is because I've been near her all the time and I got my flu shot and I haven't caught anything yet. *knocks on wood* But lately doctors have been treating everything as swine flu because 95% of people who've come into their offices have been diagnosed with it, or so they say... Jimmy's been really busy with a school production that I'm watching tomorrow. I really miss him. We're planning on getting some Baklava whenever he has free time, but I'm not sure when that will be. I'm just looking forward to Thanksgiving because we're planning on *trying* to make a pumpkin pie, lol. It might be disastrous but being in the kitchen with him has always been fun. That, and I think some of my family members are gonna make it here from Canada for my grandfather's birthday. Jimmy probably won't be able to meet them 'cause he always goes to Hackettstown to visit his family on Thanksgiving, but it's alright. That just gives us more time to do things (like meet family) if we even last that long. =P
Speaking of Jimmy, his mother has been talking to me a lot more now. I'm not sure if it's because I hardly know her but she seems nice even though Jimmy considers her a nightmare lol. She is a pretty intimidating (and commanding!) Italian lady, though. She always calls me a good girl in her emails and tells me to look after her "baby boy" because he needs it, and give her updates on him because he hardly talks to her... Oh boy hahaha I really don't want to be the messenger between them.
I'm planning on visiting the school psychotherapist because I kinda miss going to sessions... But my schedule is always full and clashes with my old psychotherapist so I haven't gone to her in months. My first session is tomorrow at 1. Kind of nervous to start over again, but my friend goes to her for her own personal issues and she said she's really nice, so that makes me feel tons better.
I really can't wait for this semester to be over because I'm excited about the classes I'll be taking next semester. Eighteen credits, fuuuck... But it should be fun.
Ugggh, really craving that Baklava, though!
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[04 Nov 2009|08:18pm] |
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I accidentally robotripped. Fuck.
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[01 Nov 2009|09:42pm] |
Everybody at school's getting sick. Including me. =( Darn flu season.
Jimmy got really drunk on Friday and I ended up taking care of him late into Saturday. He was puking and passing out in my bathroom and I had to get my parents up to drag him into my room while he cursed them out for moving him. Some first impression lmao. He was extremely disappointed with himself and embarrassed and kept looking at me and banging his head on the toilet. I tried my best to comfort him and I told him I wasn't disappointed, just concerned. At one point he burst into tears and kept giving me this kicked puppy look that killed me every time. I didn't have time to get upset or freaked out until seven in the morning when I woke up and thought about what happened. I ended up sleeping on the floor because Jimmy took up the whole bed, plus I was kind of concerned he'd puke on me. I tried to stay up as long as I could just in case he threw up again. I didn't want him choking on his own vomit. I ended up crying on his chest because I was so frustrated with the entire night, which eventually woke him up. I felt bad and he felt bad. The entire night he was telling me to yell at him for being so stupid. I couldn't because I was too worried to. The following day, he told me he was glad that I'm not overbearing. I wouldn't yell at him for something he knew that he did wrong. If he recognizes the fault, I accept it and move on. And he did, and I did, and it was really refreshing after that.
Guess it's kinda a double edged sword to know the bartender heh. He started giving him free double shots at some point but Jimmy didn't even notice.
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[30 Oct 2009|01:01am] |
Jimmy singing "House of 1000 Corpses" during our Halloween Variety Show. Laughter and freaking-outage occurred when he walked into the audience (i.e. to our table) and started harassing us (namely Christine hahahaha).
Christine: "ERICA, YOUR BOYFRIEND'S CREEPY!!!"
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[23 Oct 2009|10:42pm] |
Jimmy: "Can I have a cigarette, hun? Please? Pretty please? Super please?"
Me: *hands him one*
Jimmy: "I loooove you...this. I love this! ...Because I have a cigarette."
Me: *blatantly ignores him*
I AM JUST GOING TO COUNT THAT AS SOME WEIRD SLIP.
...I guess now I know how I feel about saying "I love you" at this point ._.
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[22 Oct 2009|06:58pm] |
I'm scared out of my mind.
Tomorrow will mark the the third month of me and Jimmy getting together. But for the past two days I've been so afraid of it. I don't know why. I've never been in a relationship with someone for this long. It just really freaks me out. I haven't had the best luck with guys and I keep thinking that something bad is going to happen. I wish I could shake myself of that feeling. Jimmy has so far been the best boyfriend I've ever had. Maybe that's why I'm so scared. Because I never knew I could be so happy in a relationship. And I'm scared what that may lead to, good or bad.
I hope this feeling goes away. I like Jimmy a lot. I care for him a lot. I wish my stupid insecurities would stop cock blocking me!
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[20 Oct 2009|02:08am] |
God, I just blew up on her and she just wants someone who will listen. I feel like an asshole.
I'll try. I'll try to be someone who listens...
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I can't do this.
She tells me every time she talks to me that she doesn't know what she's doing wrong, and she doesn't know why he keeps yelling at her, and she just wants him to need her, and that she doesn't know what to do, and whenever I tell her to focus on herself, she says she can't because she likes dating and being in relationships, and she's worried that Rick knows too many people from our school and things'll go rotten if they break up, and I've already told her that that shouldn't matter, because she should focus on herself and getting away from this nasty situation, and I'm ready to tear her fucking head off because this hits too close to home for me. I thought I was over all the shit that happened with Jae, but if memories keep resurfacing themselves every time she talks to me, obviously not. I can't be the one she runs to all the time for this. It's just too personal for me. Granted, it isn't as extreme as her situation is -- I'm not trying to one up her or anything because God, I wouldn't want anyone in that kind of situation or anything close to it -- but it just hits all the places that hurt.
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[18 Oct 2009|11:56pm] |
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Steph and I just totally fake cybered. It included ham on an Italian hard roll and the Heimlich maneuver.
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[18 Oct 2009|12:12pm] |
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The best thing just happened to me! Well, sorta. I overpaid my tuition with the loan I took out by a little over $500 and the school sent it back to me as a check. I know it's money that I'm going to eventually have to pay back, but I'm really excited about it because that means I won't have to worry about how much my textbooks will cost next semester. I went to the bank today and tucked it into my savings account. I am really happy right now.
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[13 Oct 2009|08:14pm] |
Oh gosh. For some reason, I JEEEUST realized that being in a long term relationship usually entails getting married and having kids. It occurred to me when I found out that Jimmy's brother and his girlfriend finally got married after, what, seven years? And they have a kid already and we found out a couple days ago that they've got another on the way.
Christ. Christ! I already freaked out and told Jimmy that I will object to him planting his seeds in my fertile land anytime soon. I DON'T CARE ABOUT HIS FANTASIES OF BECOMING A COWBOY (apparently one of the necessities of being a cowboy is to have a pretty girl wrongfully taken away from him, either through murder or running out on him to hide that she's pregnant AND I OBJECT TO BOTH CHOICES).
If I'm invited to the church wedding, I am going to freak out even more. Hahaha.
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[12 Oct 2009|11:38pm] |
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I wish I'd worry about the things I need to worry about instead of worrying about everything at the same time. It's not doing me any good, anyway.
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